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02 Disyembre 2011

My Life as a Poser

I have a Grindr account. I put my best most recent photograph on it and update it everyday. I get a few comments now and then, but ive only met 2 people in my entire stay; and no sex, no 2nd dates. (although I'd love to)

One day, this schmück with a torso pic messaged me after I said hi or hoy, a typo:

I was devastated. I always thought i was less attractive; but I believed what my friends keep telling me: "IT'S THE PERSONALITY THAT COUNTS, GOOEY"

And I believed that. I get loads of friends with that belief. FRIENDS, YES. BOYFRIENDS, NO.

Apparently, still, and it is a rule of engagement in the animal kingdom to look attractive for you to gain a mate.

Walang hayop sa balat ng lupa ang magsasabi ng katulad ng kanta ni Andrew E. Na HUMANAP KA NG PANGET. E putangina naman e, si Andrew E hindi naman panget ang napangasawa, lahat ng kanta niya tungkol sa magaganda at seksing babae e. Niloloko nyo lang ako e.

Everything started flooding back; I was in Bulacan all over again, felt ugly and unwanted and all that shit; I felt like killing myself and all the response I ever got was, "You're so nega."

I closed down my own Grindr account.

So there I was, sulking and grumbling for a day and a half. I hated my looks I hated how I sounded; how thinning my hair was; how crooked my teeth were; and I rembered someone I hated because he had all that--- he can get away with being an asshole becaue of his looks.

I rummaged my Picasa® and downloaded a lot of old photos Ive saved.

I redownloaded Grinder and created a new account.


I've become a poser.

They showed me their face pictures, theur naked shots, their dick pics, pics with cum, they gave me their numbers, their addresses, their HIV statuses. Everything.

These people wouldn't have given me the time of day jad I provided them my real picture. Heck, between the identity I took and my own identity, i received 300% more messages than I would by being perky.

And perky is tiring!

I didn't need to be nice or sensitive because they thought I was attractive. They found me sexy so they didn't take offense at my being forward.

Seriously, if you have a pretty face, people are MUCH MUCH NICER. this guy has a very depressing profile page in FB, if i wrote that much negativity on my page i'd ibstantly get disses like, "GROW UP." or "YOU'RE SO NEGA."

But this guy posts his problems on his page(he's bipolar. I knew him) and people send out their love.

Like, it's discriminatory.

Like this son of a bitch will care.

And people will usually say, "oh it's just you.

EXACTLY. It's me, so I won't be me. You can get what you want an I can get a little bit of what I want pretending to be someone else.

I've never had so much fun chatting as myself; I simply show another photo and pretend and violá, better treatment. Just loke getting a fake diploma and transcript or license from RECTO. You suddenly can.

Thing is, people who wouldnt show you their faces will OFFER their photos for you to respond to them. It's wierd. I felt like im switching from economy to business class.

It was UNREAL.
Literally and figuratively.

And I do it so well. I told soneone this wasnt me on the profile abd he wouldnt believe me.

He set up to meet with me today and didn't notice me so I left. Knowing that I told him my true identity and even showed him a photo of my ugly mug, I asked him why he stood me up. He said he didnt and really wanted to see me.

Apparently to him, GOOEY was the made-up character.

I used to ABHOR posers. We treat them like cockroaches, feeding on other people's identities and getting what tey want.

Actually they don't.

They can't meet up.
They can't reveal themselves.
They can't have sex even if they really really like the person they're talking to.


Why not look nice?

Well some people like me can't fake it. We look this way because people keep reminding us that we do. There are days like Valentines, Christmas, New Year, etc, where all of our married and hitched up friends stay with their other halves, and we single folks try to come up with the best diversion so we dont notice it.

Society--- The gay community in particular puts BEAUTY is such a high pedestal that nothing else matters.


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